What the F@$K it’s Monday?

I have the ultimate arsenal of Monday jokes that'll make your coworkers and buddies laugh until they snort their morning coffee! These jokes are tried, tested, and dad-approved to turn that groggy Monday morning frown upside down. Get ready for some side-splitting, belly-laughing action that'll leave your colleagues wondering, "Who's this Monday morning comedy legend?!" Let's unleash the dad humor magic and conquer that dreary Monday like a boss! 💪😄

Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness.

On a Monday morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
“Wake up son. It’s time to get to school!”
“But mom, I don’t want to go.”
“Give me two reasons why.”
“Well, the kids hate me, and the teachers hate me too!”
“That’s no reason. Come now get ready.”
“Give me two reasons why I should go?”
“Well for one you are 40 years old. And for another, you’re the teacher!”

One day on Venus lasts 5,832 hours.
The same as one Monday on Earth.

Q: In a galaxy far, far away, who is always eager to start a new work week?
A: The Mondaylorians.

What do you call Mondays without any Zoom meetings?
Meetless Mondays.

I always give 100% at work.
14% on Monday.
30% on Tuesday.
30% on Wednesday.
24% on Thursday.
2% on Friday.

: What did the Cyclops say every Monday morning?
A: Eye don’t want to get up!


Set your clocks at the start of the weekend so that you know just how much fun time you get to have. Then smash your clocks so you won’t know when Monday starts.


My wife’s panties are labelled ‘Monday’, ‘Tuesday’, ‘Wednesday’ …
My underwear is labelled ‘January’, February’, ‘March’…


Monday, you’re so jealous of my relationship with Sunday because I am so happy to see you leave!


In the example given, Johnny would buy seventeen donuts each Monday, and he would eat twelve each Wednesday. What would Johnny have at the end of the year?
Diabetes.


What did Monday say to Friday?
Between you and I, today is a good day to hump.


Hope you guys had a great weekend! Who is dreading today besides me?


What do you call an ant that sells medicine from Monday to Friday, and helps a farmer on the weekend?
A farmassistant!


Why does Gordon Ramsay not like WWE on Monday Nights?
Because it’s RAW!


Q: How do cheeses greet each other on Monday mornings?
A: Have a Gouda week!


Why did Selena Gomez dump The Weekend on a Monday?
She wished The Weekend was longer.


My wife gives me head every Monday.
She won’t let any of Sunday’s roast chicken go to waste.


How do you make a blond laugh on Monday?
Tell her a joke on Tuesday


Monday: Greg, Tuesday: Ian, Wednesday: Greg, Thursday: Ian, Friday: Greg, Saturday: Ian, Sunday: Greg – The Greg-or-Ian calendar!


If every day is a gift, I want to know where I can return Mondays.

Alright, folks, brace yourselves for some weekend shenanigans that'll leave you scratching your head and chuckling at the absurdity of it all! You know how weekends can be, a delightful mix of relaxation and bizarre adventures. And let me tell ya, this weekend was no exception! From dancing squirrels to spontaneous BBQs in the rain, we've got the silliest, most head-scratching news from the past couple of days. So, hold onto your hats and get ready to dive into a world of quirky tales that'll make you say, "Wait, what happened?!" It's time for the wacky weekend roundup! Let's roll! 🕺🐿️🍔☔

Avid search for missing Texas rodeo goat bringing residents of a small rural county together

Hold onto your cowboy hats, folks, 'cause we've got ourselves a good ol' wild goat chase down in South Texas! 🐐 This rodeo goat's gone AWOL for over a week, and the whole county's got their boots on, ready to wrangle that elusive four-legged Houdini!

Yup, they're pulling out all the stops, y'all! We're talking horses, ATVs, and heck, they might just whip out a chopper to track down this goat-on-the-run! 🚁 Can you imagine the headlines? "Helicopter Herding: Texan Search for Escaped Rodeo Goat Reaches New Heights!" It's a goat caper of epic proportions!

But wait, there's more! The community's rallying together like a well-oiled cattle drive. Local businesses are going all out with prizes, and I'm talking 90 prizes worth over $5,000! Brisket for days, frescoes to fancy up your walls, and salon services to keep you lookin' sharp as a cactus needle. All for the lucky soul who manages to lasso that wayward goat!

Now that's what I call Texas hospitality! So, saddle up and join the quest for the goat that's captured the hearts and minds of an entire county! It's a goat adventure for the ages! 🤠🏜️🎉

“This has just gotten bigger than we ever dreamed. Our county is a really small county, about 20,000 population and a mostly agriculture, farming and ranching community. And we’re very much one big family ... So, we’re excited that everybody wants to find our goat,” said Alison Savage, president of the Willacy County Livestock Show and Fair.

Y'all, it's a goat manhunt out there! 🐐🕵️‍♂️ Families, cowboys, and everyone in between are channeling their inner detectives, scouring cotton and sugar cane fields like pros, trying to track down this runaway rodeo goat! You heard me right - this goat pulled a Houdini act right after a youth rodeo near Raymondville, and the whole county's turned into a goat-seeking posse!

And get this, they've even got possible goat tracks spotted in a cotton field! It's like something straight outta a goat detective movie - "Goatbusters: In Search of the Mysterious Lyford Tracks!" 🕵️‍♀️🌾

But wait, there's more to this goat's tale! When this fugitive goat first went on the lam, it didn't have a name. So, they took it to the people with a good ol' Facebook poll, and bam, Willy was born - short for the good ol' Willacy County! But here's the twist: nobody knows if Willy's a dude or a dudette! It's like the county's playing "Guess the Goat Gender!" 😂

Now, folks, let me tell you, this goat chase isn't just for kicks and giggles. It's become a full-fledged community affair, with residents and businesses rallying together like a stampede! They've donated hundreds of dollars to spruce up the nonprofit's rodeo arena and other facilities. It's like the goat brought the whole town together for a rodeo makeover! 🎉💸

So, saddle up, put on your goat detective hats, and let's find this elusive Willy and bring 'em back to the rodeo where they belong! It's a goat mystery with a heartwarming twist, and we're all in it together! 🤠❤️

“He’s hiding from us somewhere. But we’re getting closer. We’re going to find him” Savage said.